


Without Guilt

by Strange and Intoxicating -rsa- (strangeandintoxicating)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Infidelity, It just takes them a little while to realize it, Keith and Shiro have always loved each other, M/M, No hate for Curtis, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-26 04:27:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17134937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strangeandintoxicating/pseuds/Strange%20and%20Intoxicating%20-rsa-
Summary: Shiro knew that he should have felt guilty, that he had made a promise to his husband to be with him through sickness and health, 'til death do them part. He knew he had said it, that he had tried to love Curtis like he should have, but he knew better.He had always known better.Keith’s hands were warm, and the taste of alcohol lingered on their tongues, on their mouths, deep in their bellies and Shiro had dreamed of this moment for longer than he dared ever say out loud. He had tried so hard to push the feelings back, to deny them, to say that he didn’t love Keith the way he always had and always would. He had tried to hide it, push it away... but with Keith's hands on him, with their tongues clashing to the harsh staccato of their breathing and heartbeats, hecouldn't.





	Without Guilt

**Author's Note:**

> It has taken me a few weeks to admit who I am, so here we are.
> 
> I've been cheated on by my ex-fiance. My father cheated on my mother and then married his mistress. They've been together and in love for twenty years. It sucks and it hurts, but... sometimes love is not kind. So, if you're going to rail on me for this, understand that I know probably better than most what it feels like to have your heart ripped out by the people you love. 
> 
> But, to me, there is no world where Shiro and Keith would not love each other... even if they have to hurt each other and others to get there. And that is something important about love—sometimes it happens when you want it the least. Sometimes love is pain. Sometimes... sometimes the person you love the most is the person you hurt the most.
> 
> A lot of my disappointment with this season is in these words, so please forgive me for any errors. I am unlikely to ever look at this story again. It made me feel better to just get it out.

Shiro knew that he should have felt guilty, that he had made a promise to his husband to be with him through sickness and health, 'til death do them part. He knew he had said it, that he had tried to love Curtis like he should have, but he knew better.

He had always known better.

Keith’s hands were warm, and the taste of alcohol lingered on their tongues, on their mouths, deep in their bellies and Shiro had dreamed of this moment for longer than he dared ever say out loud. He had tried so hard to push the feelings back, to deny them, to say that he didn’t love Keith the way he always had and always would. He had tried to hide it, push it away... but with Keith's hands on him, with their tongues clashing to the harsh staccato of their breathing and heartbeats, he _couldn't_.

But...

Shiro was married. He should have felt guilty, should have thought about the man he had promised his life to, and yet…

Here he and Keith were, as they always were, and it was impossible to keep his hands off of Keith. It was impossible to deny that his heart beat for Keith and for Keith alone. 

It always had. It always would.

“I love you.” It didn’t feel wrong to have those words on his lips, because Keith was the one he had always loved, would always love, and hiding it from himself had led him down that quick shot-gun wedding to a man he had only known for a few months. It had led him away from Keith, away from the one person in the universe that he loved more than anything. 

Shiro would die a thousand deaths to never hurt Keith again.

 _Again_. After what he had done... Shiro didn't deserve forgiveness. He didn't deserve Keith. 

It was easier to marry Curtis. Curtis was nice. He was easy. He was… simple. That was what had been so nice about the tech navigator.

Simple. Easy. Shiro didn’t need to think, didn’t need to remember.

This thing with Keith? This clashing of teeth and bittersweet moans, this promise of forever and ever without question or compunction…?

This was the opposite of easy. This was world-shattering love, an all-consuming and painful love that burned like fire through his belly. It was something that woke Shiro up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, remembering the way Haggar had controlled him. Oh, how much pain he had caused Keith. The scar on Keith's face would forever be proof of that.

Keith would never be easy.

It was why Shiro left—ran, Shiro thought, bitterly. It was why Shiro had thrown himself into his work, why he had accepted Curtis’s offer for a drink, then two, then another date, then marriage.

This thing they had was burning hot like molten lava, like dying stars. Like that planet with the falling clones, the agony of his arm, the pain of fighting that wasn't him, but  _was_. He remembered it all, remembered the way Keith's eyes begged him.

Shiro hadn't been able to stop himself, then.

He couldn't stop himself, now.

“Touch me,” Shiro moaned against Keith’s mouth, leaning back into Keith’s bed. He remembered that last night before Shiro left—ran— after the lions left. He remembered the way their passions had exploded, how all the feelings came to the surface, how their bodies had clicked together so perfectly.

And here they were again, because Shiro could never really stay away from Keith. He could never stay away from the man he loved so much it almost hurt.

No. 

It  _did_ hurt. It hurt more than Shiro had words for, but it was a pain he wanted. It was a pain he needed.

It was a beautiful pain.

“Please, Keith... Baby. _Please_ ,” Shiro begged. When Keith’s hand slipped up between his thighs, resting his fingers in the curls between his legs, it was like a broken piece of him clicked back into place. Shiro whispered Keith's name, sliding his hands through Keith's tied-back hair. The way Keith's hair hung around them was like a halo.

Keith was made for Shiro. Shiro was made for Keith.

And Shiro had always been bad with relationships.

He had run. He had run back to Earth, as far away as he could get. He had been scared. He had been…

A coward.

“I love you,” Keith whispered as he pressed their bodies taut against one another. He pressed kiss after kiss to Shiro’s cheeks, to his mouth, to the stubble of hair across his chin. “I love you, Shiro.”

"I love you, Keith. I love you. I’m…”

_I’m so sorry. I shouldn't have ever left you. I should have never abandoned you._

But Shiro couldn’t apologize because the taste of Keith’s mouth and his hands and the way Keith whispered his name into his ear was like a prayer.

"I'll never leave you again."

Shiro knew that he should have been thinking about his husband back on Earth, about the betrayal that would come when he returned with the taste of Keith still lingering on his mouth, at the way his body remembered the way Keith pressed deep inside of him as he arched back. This passion, these memories... Shiro had been searching for that feeling for so long that he had to bite back a sob when Keith bit down on his earlobe and made his way down to his neck.

He should have been thinking about the hurt that would cross Curtis’s face when he saw the marks Keith was leaving against his throat, at the way Shiro had already thrown his wedding ring to the floor. He should have been thinking about his vows, about his promises to Curtis. He should have been doing so many things, but all he could do was melt into Keith's hands, his mouth, his touch.

Shiro couldn’t lie to himself. He couldn’t lie to Keith anymore.

Keith was his universe, would always be his universe. He would never love someone as much as he loved Keith, and the fact that he had betrayed Keith hurt a thousand times worse than the thought of hurting Curtis.

That wasn’t fair, but it was the truth.

Shiro knew that in the morning he would call Curtis and tell him that he wouldn’t be coming back from this one-off mission, wouldn’t be coming back _e_ _ver_. He would be staying with Keith because Keith was his life, his universe, and always had been and always would be. The entire universe lived in Keith’s eyes, and Shiro… Shiro knew his promise. But that promise had always been to Keith.

It wasn’t fair. It was messy and cruel, and it was Shiro who caused all of this. He knew that he didn’t deserve Curtis… that he didn’t deserve Keith.

But he was without guilt because when he whispered Keith’s name like a benediction it was the first time he felt like he was truly at peace.

“I’ll never leave you. I’ll never leave you, Keith.”

“Please.. Takashi… promise me. _Promise._ ”

“I promise. I promise.”

**_I promise._ **

This promise... Shiro knew he would keep this promise. He would always keep this promise.


End file.
